There is no help out there

In the last blog, we saw, what a problem the seniors can be. Now here we will see that even if they dont cause any problem, none of them are really of any help.I was doing, other than those stupid sadhanas, some sadhana during this time. It happened once, when i was sitting in a temple in mylapore, chennai and meditating. After some time, i lost all the consiousness of the external world, and of my body too.  This i later hear / understand as the rise of the kundalini chakra to the chakra in agna. I didnt feel anything for a short/long, i really didnt notice the time (you will understand why). Suddenly a fear of death gripped me, and that is the end of my samadhi. I was shivering for sometime (that too in chennai climate). And gradually came to life, ie, to a state in which i could do a simple transaction of moving my limb. Though, till date i have not spoken of this to many, i did ask some swamijis, who i thought will enlighten me on the experience.But the truth is, many said, this is a very good experience, a proof that you are in the right track (experience for what and right track to what, i know not).

Later, i understood, this is the death of the ego and not the body, which i experienced. And which is not acceptable to the mind. Death of the ego is death of itself. But still, after understanding it, i was not able to acheive the same experience again for a long time. The reason being, i dont have the knowledge of how and what of it. And my goal became, the experience of the same state again, instead of the ultimate truth, it was a peaceful state, and since i had tasted it once, the desire to have it again was there.

Another time, before i came to Rishikesh, when i was in a bus, travelling from mangalore to mookambika, i had the same experience and at an intense level. This coupled with not able to acheive it by myself or/and not able to be in it created a hunger, which made me to leave within weeks of reaching chennai.

Once when i studied the shastras, i understood, the what and how of it. And its use / non-use in attaining the Ultimate Truth.

The problem is, there is not many people who know shastra (even sannyasis) therefore if we are stuck in some situations, no is knowledgeble to help us.